kissing tips for people who probably don’t realize they need them

The first time I made out with a terrible kisser at the no-excuses-age of 29 I was surprised. Several bad kissers later I’m depressed.

Here are some actual tips. This is not a joke. If you’re a terrible kisser and older than 16 it’s because everyone else feels too bad to tell you the truth.

Please reblog. Please. The scourge has to stop. Life is hard enough, kissing should be fun. This is for realsies people!

1. First kisses should ALWAYS BE GENTLE.  ALWAYS. NO EXCEPTIONS. Second kisses can escalate, but teeth, slobber & aggressive tongues have no place in a first kiss. Better to leave me intrigued. Less is more.

2. Pay attention, be responsive. 

3. Your tongue shouldn’t be forcing open the gates. Give a light knock and see if you get invited in. You’re not storming the Bastille. If my tongue is being pushed into my throat cutting off my air supply you need to ease up. Give and take friends, give and take.

4. A little bite on the lip is fun and playful. Lots of teeth are distressing. Please don’t eat my face. I like my face. You seem to like my face. Don’t be mean to it.

5. If anyone’s chin, cheeks, or nose are wet it’s time to check yourself. Kissing is for lips. Unless you’re an adorable puppy I don’t want slobber on my face. If you are an adorable puppy, I’m sneaking you into my apartment.

6. If you’re not sure what to do quit trying to be creative and pay attention to your make-out friend. They’re doing what they like so just play the mirror game. (You know what I’m talking about actors. The mirror game. Yeah.) Imitation isn’t just a great form of flattery, it’s a learning tool.

Thanks for reading! Make the world a better place & reblog. If you need to practice let me know.

Sincerely,

Leah